Football in the Historical sense...Really

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For those that are interested in All things Historical

British soccer results just in.. from our Italian Bureax..reporter Corny Tacitus..Rome

Wales 1 England 0 (after extra time)

Welsh goal scored by the Vulnerable Bede,captain of England.....into his own net

Venue
Millenium Stadium,Cardiff,Wales.....1st March 2006(St David's Day)
(Replacing Historical site .....Cardiff Arms Park due for demolitian on
receipt of grant from English Parliament)

Ground Conditions
Usual groundhog traps for Anglo Saxon invasion into Welsh territory ( and Welsh Beer.)
Weather Conditions
Rain and Drizzle..What did you expect..This is United Kingdom 2006
.....
Attendance
100,000..partitioned as follows....
Brits(Welsh)and Celts @ the South Bank...
Anglo's @ the East bank...
Danes,Scots,Irish @ the North Bank
Others and Israelites @ the West Bank......
All Welsh Scots and Irish Saints seated in pump up Bard armchairs.....

Standard Romanic rules of engagement apply

Wales - Players

Arthur(King)..........(Goalkeeper)Brilliant saves, playing in a Welsh League game for Cornwall against Silures United.. Will outlive his own myth..Trainer got him back into shape after injury at Badon....Has four team
options.


Gildas..........(Right Back and Captain)Veteran player..,Does not give too much away..Rest of team is surprised that Arthur was selected.



Burton (Richard).........(Left Back and Vice Captain)Stout defender.Born Richard Jenkins, played football with the Welsh Ballboy..But are now
enemies.

Geoffrey(of Monmouth)......(Right Half Back) Left out of the French team(World Champions)So claimed his mother's birthright....Bit of a show off...But will cause anxiety in the opposing defence.

Charles(John) .......(Centre Half)Born John of Swansea....Called the perfect football player...Played many years for the Pope's team in Italy..Juventus


Giraldus .....(Left Half)Known to the French team as"De Barri"..Gerald
has single handed put Wales into the European market with class.

Nennius ... .(Right Wing)Young speedy player.Will shoot from
anywhere.Will be a real nemesis of Bede..But tends to extend himself at
times.

Agricola ....(Inside Right) Released by the Italian League on a guest appearance for Wales..Can circumnavigate the English defence with ease.

Owain Glyndwr ...(Centre Forward) Great tactician.Always
gives the English defence trouble.Failed to score in last game and just disappeared.

Madog .....(Inside Left)Left Gwynedd..Was rediscovered in Kentucky US of A..playing with the Indians....A drifter,but knows the language

Vortigern ..(Left Wing)Not a favourite with the crowd...work ethic and loyalty are suspect...Tried out for Germany team, but failed to impress.

Welsh Manager and Trainer
Merlin(magical) ......Has a Phd in philosophy..MSc..BA..FFRC..AMI Mech E... but no J.O.B...However he does serve on the National Druids Council of Wales

Welsh Ballboys
Sir Lancelot ........Has "First Knight" jitters, but will supply balls for Arthur...American accent may fool some of the Welsh Players.

Sir Hopkins(Anthony).......On holidays from the US of A....Climbed Mt Snowdon (N.Wales)before coming to game.....A real treasure..Snowdon that is...Accent may also fool the Welsh.




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England - Players

Harold (King of 1066 fame) ..(Goalkeeper)Typical of the
English Selection Committee here...Although lost some of his periphial vision,still is regarded as competent and as sharp as an arrow.

Offa .............(Left Back)Shows no Mercy for attackers of the opposing team.Learned his defence skills from the Italian defender Hadrianus

Aethelred ..(Right Back)Weak defensively and certainly not ready for Prime Time world class football(soccer)

Penda ..........(Right Half)A scouser from Merseyside.. Had a very rough passage in an away game a month ago against the Leeds forward Oswiu.


Bede .............(Centre-half back and Captain)..Quite good with his head..Ironically his hero and mentor is the quite elderly opposing captain Gildas.

Beowulf ......(Left Half)Somewhat of a mystery player, Very differcult to understand his playing method,but is very well liked by the English gentry....Welsh forwards always bemused by his/hers approach to the
game.

Charley Boy(Prince) .(Right Wing)Played locally for the Winsdor Spitfires..Welsh team must take care here, as he speaks their language.
A real rotweiler.

Aethelstan ....(Inside Right)Great attacker,Overrun and scored 3 goals against Scotland last week at Strathclyde Memorial Ground.

Alfred ...........(Centre Forward)Soccer history,playing alongside his grandson.Great game against Denmark recently and converted many to his style.

Richard III ...(Inside Left)A great player for his country,but not the same man since being fouled in Brecon during a Championship game.

Luther ..........(Left Wing) Young, reformed, aggresive player.Took out a "green card" so that he could play for another WASP team...Lots of support.

English Manager and Trainer
Ms F Nightingale...........just always there to help,regardless of their
heritage.


English Ballboys
Maggie Thatcher(ret)....will run for anyone,anytime,anywhere and anyhow.
Tony Blair should retire).substituting for the injured(groin)Oxford scholar William of Clinton



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Referee
Solomon.....Very fair and equally consistant in both halves of game

Linesmen
Augustine and Pelagius.....Compromise selection for the Christian and Pagan players on both sides

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Spectators in the crowd........actually seen on Welsh BBC Television Service(controlled from London)

Tacitus...Reporter from Italy and general pain the the neck.(seen reading the latest Beowulf article in the National Geographic..Welsh Edition)


HenryVIII (English,but father was Welsh)Trying desperately to look neutral(neither Wasp-ish or Cath-ish)

Willie Wallace...Manager of Scotland (looking a little the worst for wear) with his assistant Malcolm also of Scotland(looking rather sheepish alongside)

Pliny(The old Guy)Another foreign reporter looking for his notes and cannot find them...Glaring insanely at the English captain Bede on the field.

Georgie Best(Ireland)Regarded as the most gifted player the world has ever seen(ask Pele)seen with Henry also now suffering from leg injuries chatting up Catherine the Great(Zeta Jones)..........Prince Michael sent to the tower for the day.

Patrick looking regal and saintly,waving the Welsh/Irish flag (dragon with a leaf on its back)and having a beer with David(Dai of Pembroke)

Sean of Bond..Quite immaculate in his own Tartan(Designed by the House of Windsor of course)Looking at the Welsh goalkeeper in awe.(Arthur wearing "00" on his jersey...the boss)

William...Over from Normany for the day..Cannot understand why his coaching of the English team 2 years ago failed to teach them anything.


Drudge and Huffington....Not interested in game..Looking at a big scoop from their personal doctor and hoping to bring George Bush to his knees...

All characters living or dead who would wish a full report on the game...dream about it:

Troedyrhiw(Copyright 2005)